Sub-sistence

I don’t know the original source for this picture, as it is just an ImageShack posting:

I had a little laugh out of these videos.  Now let’s all forget about that dog-training stuff we all have read about or seen on Animal Planet and the like, and just imagine these dogs are as conservative as their humans.

Okay, I tried to get you to suspend disbelief for a moment- did it work?  Anyway, one of these videos has a definite giveaway on the training- can you find it?  The other one I’m guessing is happening off-camera unless I missed it.

Not much time right now, but I just wanted to share something that made me laugh today.  BTW, I am almost done with the camp DVD I’ve been working on- over two months late .so hopefully things will get back to normal soon.

Apple keynote in under two minutes:

Either my last post was uninteresting, or I hit another busy spot in all of your lives. Most likely the second, but just in case of the first, here’s a little break from camp for a little humor involving kids. Note: none of it was written by me, it was all shamelessly copied from Worthy Christian Forums, though the ones who posted these are probably not the authors either.

Murphy’s Law of Children (there is no actual law it’s a joke)

1. The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next morning.
2. For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty.
3. Toys multiply to fill any space available.
4. The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like it.
5. Yours is always the only child who doesn’t behave.
6. If the shoe fits..it’s expensive.
7. The surest way to get something done is to tell a child not to do it.
8. The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet.
9. Backing the car out of the driveway causes your child to have to go to the bathroom.
10. The more challenging the child, the more rewarding it is to be a parent..sometimes.

—————————————————————-

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, “Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!”

The man replied, “How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company.” The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.

About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, “Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company.”

The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, “I think I need a breath of fresh air.”  The man continued, “I work for 7-UP.”

—————————————————————-

Great Truths That Little Children Have Learned:

1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.

Humorous, but contemplative as well…

A teacher asks….

(Author unknown)

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said:
‘Let me see if I’ve got this right.
‘You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.
‘You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.
‘You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.
‘You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams.
‘You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.
‘You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard,a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.
‘You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . . I CAN’T PRAY?

A new post on subbing coming eventually, but until then enjoy this find from the vast reaches of the interweb:

Camper Comments

These are actual comments left on U. S. Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpackers completing wilderness camping trips:

• “A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.”

• “Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.”

• “Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.”

• “Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.”

• “Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.”

• “All the mile markers are missing this year.”

• “Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.”

• “Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.”

• “Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.”

• “Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter.”

• “Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.”

• “The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.”

• “Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.”

• “Need more signs to keep area pristine.”

• “A McDonald’s would be nice at the trail head.”

• “The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.”

• “Too many rocks in the mountains.”

It has been a long, long time since I have posted education humor,  so I hope you enjoy this one.  The two-person trailer-run operation known as Snopes has this marked as undetermined, but whether Tennessee, Florida, Alabama, or whatever state in the title I’d like to think that these notes from parents could have actually existed.  Have fun reading!

Sick Notes

These are real notes written by parents in a Tennessee school district…(spellings have been left intact.)

1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre, dyrea, direathe), the sh**s. [note: words in ( )'s were crossed out] .

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being.It was his father’s fault.

15. I kept billie home because she had to go christmas shopping because i don’t know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse jennifer fo! R missing school yesterday. We
forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.

17. Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

19. Ple ase excuse jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever,sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick,fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids [ed- and parents!] !